I have a bleeding heart for animals. If it was up to me I would save them all and become an animal hoarder. Ok I’m kidding; I like dogs, and tolerate cats. I have two cats actually, one is about 10 years old, and she hates me. She was never my cat; I inherited her when I married my husband. I think she knew this and took an immediate dislike to me, the only thing I can say is that at least she doesn’t pee on anything I own, she only pukes on it. She’s old what can I say.
My other cat, well she is mine, and she adopted me when she was just a teenager. About a week after we decided to keep her, (Ok, so I fed her against my husband’s wishes, but I can’t watch an animal starve) she went into heat. I thought something was wrong with her. She didn’t do anything that I thought a cat would do. I was told they whine a lot, but she didn’t really do that. She rubbed up on people a lot and she looked like she was in pain. I swore she was, and my friend Bill had to ask me if I ever witnessed a cat in heat before. I said no, and leave it to the man slut in our group to know a pussy in heat when he sees one!
I hope none of you are pro choice, because I aborted those kittens as soon as she was done being in heat. The problem was that we had already scheduled the appointment to have her spayed, and had to cancel, because they wouldn’t do the operation while she was in heat. So I decided to pay the extra 50 bucks if they dusted off the old coat hanger. Ok Ok, so that isn’t exactly true, they don’t use coat hangers, but I did pay the extra money to get rid of the unwanted kittens.
This cat was special, she had no tail, and I liked that. She hunted birds and I liked that too. She completely de-birded my backyard in about three weeks. I was so happy because the birds were blue jays and they suck. They are noisy and mean and I can’t stand them. We would go out to mow the lawn and they would dart for your head. Every day for the first couple months we would come home to find a bird on our door step, it was great. Some days I would even find two. Our house was the only house on the block that you couldn’t hear birds chirping. I was probably the only person who could sleep at night too.
We moved from that house a couple months later to a bigger city about an hour and half away. From that point on she was an inside kitty. She lost all her drive to catch anything bigger than a mosquito too. Shoot, we lived in a bird sanctuary, well not really but the wetlands were really close and the birds would constantly fly into our back yard and pool. For the first time in my life I would pay attention to the birds, the geese, the cranes, wild ducks and all the other types of birds that I would see. I never saw such beautiful creatures. The problem was if I thought that Blue Jays were loud, try listening to a pack of geese fly over twice a day. They are so loud. But all these birds were much bigger than my little kitty could take down and she happily accepted the indoor life and adapted well.
This is where my story begins. I wonder if anyone who reads this blog is married or in a long term relationship. If you are than there is nothing worse than being wrong. No one wants to be on the losing end of an argument, and no one ever wants to be proved wrong over and over again.
It started off nice, we moved from the house, to an apartment to save money. The economy tanked and we took a thirty thousand dollar pay cut. That hurt! But we will survive and like any resilient couple, we decided to move into an apartment save some money and buy a house when we could.
We searched all over the area for a decent pet friendly apartment. We wanted one that had large areas of grass for the dog to run around in, not a concrete jungle. We finally found one and moved in around November. The first few days we were way too occupied with unpacking to notice anything, but about a week later I went to take the dog out and noticed that there were little bowls around the building. One in particular was right outside our patio. At first I didn’t think too much about it, but a few days later I heard an incessant whining outside and went to investigate. It was a little kitty cat. She was staring at the empty bowl. As soon as my husband saw what I saw, he looks at me and says”Don’t feed it Charity”
It was so hard not to, but I later found out that some of the other neighbors were feeding it too and filling up the bowls. Then one day it all stopped no more food. The tenants had gotten mad because the cat was hungry and fought another cat for the food. This poor little kitty going hungry in the cold weather. I think I stayed resilient and didn’t feed the cat for maybe two days, then I fed it damn it. But this time I was prepared, and I had a camera. I took the cute little cat’s picture and posted it on my Facebook page. Yup I was going to find this cat a home.
I was actually quite proud at the end of the day because I had successfully found the cat a new home. I was excited and told my husband all about it on our ride home from work. I was expecting a good job, but he said something like “You fed it?” Ok let’s move past that part. He asks when the person is going to come pick up the kitty and that’s when my “I told you so” story really begins. I answered that as soon as I catch it, they’ll be picking it up.
I swear I was expecting feedback, but you could hear a pin drop in the car, he looks at me and says “What are you going to do when you catch it because that cat is not coming in our home” I fought him on this and won, the cat was quarantined to the bathroom once I captured her. I called my friend and she was on her way to pick up the kitty. While I was waiting for her, I brushed her coat out and noticed a flea. Oops, maybe I’ll just keep this to myself, this was the whole reason that Justin didn’t want, now what did he call her, oh yea Skankapotomus in our house. So I did what I thought I could and put all the towels we had down in the bathroom, so that if any flea decides to jump off her they would jump onto the towel and I could just wash them.
I thought I was successful in my endeavor. A month had passed and see nothing bad had happened. I was sitting on my bed pondering my good deed about a month later while I was petting my own cat. But what’s this; she has a rash I think. I felt her more and groomed her a little more only to discover she had a really bad rash. I kept it to myself for about a week and just watched all the animals. They all were scratching and seemed pretty itchy. The first I told you so happened when Justin was petting the dog, he felt some dirt on the dog and told me I needed to wash him. So I did, but what I didn’t tell him was that I found it odd that he was that dirty after I just gave him a bath a few days ago. What the hell is the dog rolling in? I groomed him and while I was I picked a piece of the dirt out of his fur, and went to the internet. I researched fleas, and it said that what I had in my hand was flea poop. OH GROSS!! But the only way to tell is get it wet, so I did, and it turned a color I was hoping it wouldn’t , it turned red, blood red.
Oh just great, at some point my husband is going to figure this out, especially when I have to buy the flea shampoo. Nothing gets past Justin, I think in some way he has some Jewish in him because when we go shopping his favorite line is “Do we really need that” I thought maybe I could bore him and he wouldn’t come with me grocery shopping that week, but he was already bored and a chance to go shopping and torment me seemed more appealing to him.
I created a distraction at the store, and asked him to get something, and while he did, I snuck over to the pet station and started reading the back of the flea shampoos. Will this work on cats too? I wondered when I felt a presence behind me. I don’t know how long he was standing there, but he finally pipes up, and says, “What’s that in your hand?” I slyly respond, “Shampoo” “What kind of shampoo, you already have three different kinds for the dog, we don’t need any more” But right as he is saying that, he leans down and grabs the shampoo out of my hands. “Charity what the hell is this?” I’ve been found out! My trickiness didn’t work. I had to explain the whole thing to him about all our animals being infested, the carpet is probably infested and we needed to actually buy the frontline for all the animals. The dog had always been protected, but the cats weren’t, they never had any need to be because they never went outside.
Well, folks let’s just say, I’m not sure how many times the phrase “never listen” and “I told you this would happen” came up in our hour long fight. Well I wasn’t exactly fighting, more like being forced to listen to this, because if you ever lost a fight, you know you have to pretend to listen and say things like “I’ll remember that next time” and “I’m sorry that’s how you feel”
I think he scooped up anything on that shelf that could get rid of fleas. We tried on our own, but shit happens and well we had a much worse diagnosis than I thought. You see the cat’s rash was because she was allergic to flea bites. In fact she was kind of our fleamometer. If she still had the rash, we still had the fleas. The war began against the fleas, but the front was not united. It was my mess because I brought the cat into the house, so it was my responsibility to get rid of the fleas.
We went thru so many products, and finally had to call the vet because by this point if I ever do decide to have kids, they will probably be retarded from the amount of chemicals I was using in the house. I was surprised that those little fuckers could still be alive, nothing else was, not even my reproductive system.
The vet sold us this stuff that looks like a hairspray can, and smells horrible. You have to get rid of all the animals, spray it directly on the carpet and vacuum the floor over and over again. The suggested I put a flea collar in the vacuum too.
And here we go with another round of “You never listen to me” phrases as he calls his mom and asks if she can take our animals for the weekend. She did, and I had to move the furniture all by myself. But it wasn’t because he was a douche bag, he had a legitimate reason for not helping, he was working, so the war with the fleas became my problem. I was exhausted by the end of the day, with having to move all the furniture and vacuum and take the animals out of the house. I also got a fogger and decided that I already didn’t’ have a reproductive system, why not go all out and kill these things once and for all!
Our house didn’t smell good when we got back that’s for sure, but we were sure the battle against the fleas was over. Two months of waging war between those little devils. I truly believe that they are a creature of the night, a spawn of Satan!
The good news was the “I told you so” and “You never listen” remarks were starting to fade away. He was getting over it all. Woo hooo! That wasn’t so bad, he only told on me to his mom, sister and my parents and brother. All of them agreed with him and said things like “She was always like that as a kid” That was from my mom. “She always had to learn the hard way” was something my dad muttered, along with something like,” I handed her over to you when you married, thank god!” My brother just laughed and said “She never listens” Whatever , they are all haters, I like to say I challenged life, if it can’t be done, I’d try it, if it shouldn’t be done, I’d still try it and figure out why it shouldn’t be done.
About a month had passes since our little Bloody Sunday. I like to think that was what the fleas would forever refer to extermination weekend I performed. About that time the dog got sick, really sick and had to go to the vet. The vet looks him over and even pulled out the flea comb, nope nothing on him. Whew I passed that test. Justin was looking at me when she did pull out the flea comb too. Finally there is silence in the room and she is pondering something, she pipes up “did you guys recently have fleas” I hated this question. I wasn’t going to look at him that was my plan, don’t make eye contact. I looked at the floor and said that we did about a month ago.
Oh I see she says and says they have to perform a test on him. Justin swears it was huge and he called it something like the crochet needle. He stares at the dog, and the vet lubes it up. It actually looked like a straw with a loop at the end, but by all accounts, it didn’t look like it would feel comfortable. She jabs it in Jagers ass and Justin looks at me with these beady little eyes. The whole time the dog is burying himself in my arms as if he was hoping this dream would end and we would not remember being butt raped by this little device. I think it was just as traumatic for Justin to watch as it was for the dog. Justin winced and had to look away.
The vet took the samples they needed and in a few minutes return to explain the diagnosis. Apparently Fleas carry worms and when they bite a dog, they pass on the parasite they are carrying. This cat had worms, and the dog had gotten worms from the cat. OH Lovely! I think it was about then that I said something like “YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME, REALLY? REALLY?” The vet look astonished at my outburst, and she explained some more. I wanted her to shut up, just be quite. I know I get it; it was a bad idea to bring the poor little kitty into our home. I just thought that God had punished me enough, you know, being stricken with swarm of fleas for two months and all. But nope, God had one last punch line he wanted to get in and here it is.
At first Justin was quite, he paid for the bill got the dewormer. I thought Oh good; he is not going to bring it up. That was until we reached the car, then this four month long fight of “I told you so” Peaked. I said some things like “I’m not a cruel person” He said some things, “Not every animal needs to be saved by you” I said “YES THEY DO!, he said, “You need to listen more”, I said “I do listen, it’s that I chose not to do what you said” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, looking back, I should have just done what I had done previously, but I was tired from all the I told you so’s in the last month. I could no longer stand it. It was time to start defending myself. Well that went over like a turd in a punch bowl. The fight just escalated, and by the time we got home we weren’t speaking to each other.
I think we kept our distance for about 8 hours and we finally had to talk to each other. I thought about it, and decided that I would somehow make this right without having to admit I was wrong. I said something like, “I didn’t know the cat had fleas” He said that was just stupid to say, because the cat lived outside, and of course I knew it had fleas” Ok; he got me on that one. I said that at least I saved an animal’s life, and that was a good thing” He said “I put all our other animals in jeopardy for a skanky cat.” I think I blurted out what any women would have said “SHE’S NOT SKANKY!” as soon as I heard myself defending the virtue of a cat, I decided I lost and sucked it up.
I had to end this fight and the only way I was going to end it was admit I was wrong. I did, but he couldn’t take it, he spent about another hour, explaining to me why I need to listen more. I must admit, that my eyes although staring at him were actually rolled up in my head and I was thinking about what movies I wanted to see. He doesn’t know my “I’m not really paying attention to you look”, because I have perfected it. You see, you just pretend to be paying attention and every few minutes you pick up on a sentence and repeat it back to them. I do this with his golf stories all the time so he thinks I’m actually listening. I just did that after I admitted I was wrong. I figured this way he could finally get the biggest “I told you so” lecture out of the way and we could move on.
Ok the fight is over now, and apparently a few days ago as he was telling me another boring golf story, I used that look. The next day I get in the car on our way back from work and it’s quite all the way home. I finally ask him why he isn’t talking about anything, golf, football, whatever, he normally has something to say and he finally said, “Because you’re going to give me that look and I know you’re not really listening” Well I guess that’s part of it, I like hearing his voice on the ride home and although I don’t like to topic, I like hearing him. Shit, now I’m actually going to have to pay attention, that’s when he started talking about golf, and I couldn’t help it, my mind wandered and halfway thru his conversation I interrupted him and said,”OH MY god, last week when you were giving me the riot act for the I told you so, you knew the whole time I wasn’t listening” I looked at him, and saw him crack a smile. He laughed out loud and said “Of course I knew, why the hell do you think I’ve been talking about Golf all week long, because you hate it, and I love seeing you squirm and think your fooling me” Go figure, that’s what I get for thinking I outsmarted him.